Friday, January 30, 2009

Note to God

Note To GOD - JoJo

If I wrote a note to God
I would speak whats in my soul
I'd ask for all the hate to be swept away,
For love to overflow
If I wrote a note to God
I'd pour my heart out on each page
I'd ask for war to end
For peace to mend this world
I'd say, I'd say, I'd say

Give us the strength to make it through
Help us find love cause love is over due
And it looks like we haven't got a clue
Need some help from you
Grant us the faith to carry on
Give us hope when it seems all hope is gone
Cause it seems like so much is goin wrong
On this road we're on

If I wrote a note to God
I would say what on my mind
I'd ask for wisdom to let compassion rule this world
Until these times
If I wrote a note to God
I'd say please help us find our way
End all the bitterness, put some tenderness in our hearts
And I'd say, I'd say, I'd say


No, no no no
We can't do this on our own


If I wrote a note to God

so this is how i have been feeling lately. i have been praying more & more cuz everything just seems 2 get worst then better. my life is whole right now but i look around & others are suffering & its breaking my heart. so i dedicate this blog to all my buddies who are going thru. i am praying for you & remember that God loves you. its all a test to see how much you can bare & remember God will never put more on you than you can bare. he knows your limits & he hears you cries & sees your tears. be encouraged everyone.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

next door 2 happiness lives sorrow

if One day Pictures, Images and Photos

hello bloggers!!! it has been awhile but so much has happened you see.

me & kideem were @ it once again. He said he wanted 2 be friends with me & thats not where my heart was. So went on again got close but slowly started to part again. So me & him went a couple of days without speaking but i say his status on facebook & he was thinking about some other chic. of course i hit him up but he didnt respond like usual. so then his status turn 2 piss & im like wats up he like im going thru alot so i said do u want 2 talk about it & he goes no. He never wants 2 talk about stuff with me but yea im suppose 2 b his girl. so i asked him r u talking 2 some1 if so why wont u just tell me 2 leave. he gets mad & says if thats how u feel then bye. idk how many times he has told me bye & that was the end of our relationship. so im crying 2 my besties tasha, wes, & my cousin aria & they like girl how many times we gotta tell u 2 leave him alone. He finally set in cuz i was definitely tired of crying you feel me??? lol so i stop hitting him up then its the day before his b-day & he trying 2 figure out y we havent talked in awhile so we decided we need 2 talk. so his b-day pass & finally we talk. now he like wat r we im like friends & i can tell his md as changed. he really thought that i was gonna keep coming back 2 him. i cry myself 2 sleep while he parties & takes pics wit girls bent over infront of him thats crazy & i was just tired. i can tell our friendship has flown out the window down stories of windows & lay died on the sidewalk. i wont be surprise if his relationship on facebook change cuz he pobabl got a girl down there anyway lol. but thats the past & its time for the future & its looking real bright.

ok so i have figured out that next door 2 happiness lives sorrow. (yes these are the lyrics from gotham city by r kelly lol) you see when i was down all my friends were up. now im up & the people i talk 2 all the time r down. you see my besties since elementary tasha is going thru. we may fight most of the time & not agree on stuff half the time but i still hate 2 see her hurt. u see this chich is strong as hell & 2 her say that crazy shit (excuse my language) i know she was @ her lowest. so not kool 2 the person who put her there. then my bestie wes from job was right there 4 me when i was going thru threatening me like usual but last night i never heard him so down. something about liars which i know is his pet peeve. i try 2 encourage him but of course he always say "i dont care"!!! i think thats his fav word so serious lol. but all i can tell them is 2 keep ur head up & just keep pressing. it cant rain forever..........

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Me & the Besties

hello everyone. I feel like i havent been on here in a long time lol. well me & my besties have been up to no good as usual. so lately our chill spots have been guitar center, ivory's house (tasha's boo), & quest lounge. Guitar center was super fun especially playing on the instruments & stuff then ivory house was even more fun with dancing in the hallway, & then ghetto quest lounge was good as well lol. (of course me & my besties stole the spotlight & all the other birds were jealous as hell lol). So here are some pics & videos from those nights.












ok im gonna come back & put the videos up lol

Monday, January 12, 2009


ok bloggers i had a sleepover the other day & it was so much fun ... we kinda snowed in so we got bored & starting taking pictures lol ... so here are some pics of me & my cousins & i had a video but its not working right now lol


me, jeane, & melaysia laying on my bed


just alil bit excited lol


sexy dark chocolate


nea getting squished by her sister


we sexy we dark & we taste like chocolate lmao {{insider}}

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Brokenhearted .......

Brandy - Brokenhearted - Brandy

ok so im pretty much brokenhearted. me & my ex are officially done this time. i guess it hurts cuz i really was feeling this boy but he doesnt believe me. he thinks all i do is cheat but the ironic things is when i did what i did we werent together. me & him wasnt talking but yet i am still wrong. maybe i am but he is blaming everything on me. he blames me i blame him we get nowhere. we probably now wont say anything to each other at all for a long time maybe forever. he is gonna move on & im still gonna be brokenhearted. idk what to do. all i could do early was go in the bathroom & cry. mascara running down my cheeks & my tissue turning black from me wiping my cheeks. i really loved this boy but he doesnt believe me & i think thats the part that hurts me the most. i wanted to spend my life with him but he didnt believe mw. he never believed. & im getting all sad again. i guess another night of crying myself to sleep. till we meet again peace & much love bloggers.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

i love my kids♥

ok im dedicating this blog 2 my students who i consider my children. we are real close even though we only spend 3 hours a day together. most people know that i spend most of my time @ this place & i barely get paid anything for the time i put in. all i worry about is the safety & growth of my children & God will supply all my other needs. so i have about 10 children on a regular. i have more but they barely come 2 the program. i treat my kids like my friends but they also know when to listen to Ms. Tamara or Ms. T as many of them call me lol. I have my own group @ this point idk how long it will last or if they are gonna move me back to my old group as an assistant teacher. it is alot of work being a head teacher but i wont trade it for any other job. so here are some videos & random pics from throughout the skool year so far. i think the pics start around christmas but here they are.

GROUP 5 & random other kids lol of CAMP YDP ... i love these kids lol


some of my dancers & steppers from a show


my crew


some of us in nyc


@ the NBA store


chillin in the computer room

ok so here are some videos of my kids ... the first is some of my kids in the computer room doing twister moves [excuse me laughing very loudly in the camera lol]

ok so here is my praise dance i made up for christmas with some of the kids ... its not my best but its still good lol

Monday, January 5, 2009

I Hate This Part Right Here

so this is mood for half of the day ... blog kinda long & just keeps going & going lol

ok so 2day was my ideal way of starting off the week. i woke up feeling pretty good kinda tired but good. so me & slay started having a conversation & we get on the topic of boos. mind u we dont go out i dont think. so he asks do i have a boo & i go yea you. he write ok so then i go do you have a boo he goes maybe lmao sike nah. im like yes u do & she probably be in your dorm room every night & he says if that what u want to believe so i go yea thats what i want to believe. so he goes ok bye ... im like bye??? he goes bye like im done talking. so i go ok then he text back eace u n wesley hope yall have a nice life. {like wtf where the heck this come from} im like its 2 ealry 2 be starting & he like im starting anything im done. so i said you really done with me alright its watever he like ok. i then text ok have a nice life & i should have seen it coming i know you were actng different. he goes wat u talking about how im acting different {all that extra b.s.} im like you treat me like im the extra chick. he goes i gave you everything {no u didnt} i never had 2 pay for anything { cuz we never went out on date or any extra stuff} i dont asking a girl 2 have my baby lightly & 2 met my mom but im acting different. i put ok then he goes i think you the perfect match for me & u broke up wit me in the 1st place {yes i did cuz i felt like u was acting like a hoe again}. he goes i never gave you a reason not 2 trust me then i go you stay on campus thats enough right there. then starts talking about my facebook & my myspace {has some1 send me messages in my honesty box & stuff like we still in high skool then he got the nerve not 2 tell me who it is}. then he like i got reasons not 2 trust u & then he starts with the whole wesley issue so i explain that me & him wasnt 2gether when i was messing wit my bestie wesley u feel me. so he goes if i had a girl in my dorm i could use that as an excuse so i go i wouldnt have cared cuz we werent 2gether. he goes i never stopped caring im like yes u did u said it in ur facebook status that u wish u never meet then he gets into the whole he dont remember saying that but he probably did.

so i talked my close buddy tasha & she helped me with this aggravating 2 early in freakin morning issue. so after me & her talked i apologized 2 him {y i did it 1st b/c he 2 bold 2 it 1st} so then he apologize & we havent talked since then.

maybe my buddy tasha is right that im not ready 4 a bf yet or @least i dont wanna be with him anymore. idk gotta definitely pray on it. he is leaving i think wednesday 4 skool so maybe we need time apart cuz he gonna be doing his pledging thing so he not gonna have time 4 me this semester.idk time will tell if anything will ever happen & improve between us.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Girls Night Out

so me & the girls went out on friday & it was fun as hell lol. 2 many good laughs. they help started my new years & its looking pretty good except for the fact that i was sick this morning lol. so went 2 ny to play laser tag then we walked around that big ass mall but i didnt see any nice clothes are anything (what a surprise lol) we were suppose 2 party but that was lookin kinda wack. so we chilled @ tasha's boo house where he meet his friends (the funniest) then we were gonna bowl but that didnt happen cuz people had 2 go home. so i let them drop me off so they could chill as long as they wanted cuz of course my curfew. so that was the end of that night. but it was fun & i cant wait 4 thursday cuz i think we skating so thats gonna be super fun but yet hurtful @ the same time lol. some random pics from the night ♥


introducing aria all the way from delaware state lol


introducing tasha all the way from felician & PCCC lol


introducing tiara all the way from Rutgers (new brunswick)lol


tasha & tiara taking a pic while i was taking a pic of them lol


idk whats up with tiara face lol

Thursday, January 1, 2009


so this blog is gonna be kinda long lol. lets see????hmmmmm??? im gonna give you a review of my 08 & my goals for 09.

well 08 was not so great as i planned you feel me. the year started of pretty good. i had skool to worry about & church & thats about it. then i met kideem & wes & i fell for wes 1st but i chose kideem. still wondering if that was a good or bad thing. kideem drove me crazy @ home wes drove me crazy @ work lol. then the summer started & everything went down hill from there. i got so sick this summer i had to go to the hospital then me & my mom got into it alot this summer. she didnt want to help me @ all. so much drama on the job. everybody hated me b/c of wes lol. i never had so many haterz in my life its not even funny. i had 2 big fat ugly as hell haterz & then a crazy stalker type hater all were ghetto lived in the ghetto sounded ghetto & i hate ghetto period so i was stuck completely. then the fall came & work got better cuz all the haterz but one left but me & kideem got worst. i didnt trust him so we broke up. then i broke some1 heart & that shit hurt me & i know he was hurt as hell. skool was stressful as hell last semester. some good news i took part in history by helping to elect the 1st african american president. we finally did it!!!! yayyyyyy!!!!!!!! some more good news i started driving!!!!!! the only reason b/c my grandma had 2 have knee surgery so i had 2 start driving 2 skool. God brought her thru fine & she speeding around the house with her walker about 2 run over everybody toes lol. me & kideem started talking again but i guess we still friends. my family had an excellent family dinner this year & i love them so much. there was way more stuff going on but that was the really major stuff.

so forget the past its time for the future!!!!!!!!!!!! i plan 2 make this year ten times better. some new year resolutions that i thought hard about that i hope to accomplish in some type of way.

♥ to get closer with God

♥ to become more fashionable & accurately care about what im wearing lol

♥ to live my life 2 the fulfills & tryin 2 not stay in the house all the time

♥ to worry about me & everybody else comes 2nd (sounds conceited right??? i guess i will just have 2 be conceited then)

♥ to get closer with my immediate family

♥ to work harder in skool & try 2 actually join something within this year lol

♥ to love & appreciate my friends

♥ to stay away from drama & keep the haterz @ bay lol

♥ when i think of some more im definitely gonna put them lol

alot of people help me this year & alot of people came into my life. of course i lost some people but these are my main amigas & amigos lol

♥tiara, tasha, jasmine, kiara, wes, shante, silvia, kideem, kiki, clarence♥